


Nightmares, Dreams, And Nightmares Again

by CandidCuriosity



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood: Lost Days, Under the Red Hood
Genre: Angst, Batfamily Feels, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Past Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Some Fluff, mentions of batgirls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-15 08:47:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5779270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandidCuriosity/pseuds/CandidCuriosity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Okay, lets mark that down as something I don’t want to do ever again” his head felt like it had been slammed into more than just concrete.<br/>“You okay there little wing?”<br/>Jason pushed himself up right, checking if anything felt worse than his head and when he didn’t find anything he got to his feet.<br/>“Except for the date my head just had with the floor and the lasting memory of getting hit with a oversized cattle prod” he shrugged, “I feel fine”.</p><p>The movie night after a mission turns into a nightmare as Jason is definitely not fine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Successful mission

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: the characters belong to DC comics  
> I apologize for any or all grammatical errors in this text.
> 
> Or incorrect use of medical procedures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sort of introductory chapter that introduce and build up to the events (angst) in the following chapters. Enjoy!

The night had started off promising. Well they always do don’t they? Tim had made some extensive research on the targets and he had made a solid plan that really only could be spoiled by some major unforeseen event. Damien had been following the targets for weeks and knew every move that was made in the headquarters of the traffickers they were presently trying to take out of business. Jason and Dick had not had a fight in weeks and everyone was on speaking terms. Everything pointed to an easy mission, beat up some bad guys, save some children, make Gotham a better place.

 

Jason had discovered a new child trafficking ring on his turf, and had realised it was bigger then anything he could handle on his own. The Red Hood had contacted Red Robin, who had asked Nightwing, who had brought Robin along since Batman was doing other missions in China with Black bat.

 

The place was a dump, an old wear house down by the docks. Too far away from the busy areas to be noticed, but still close enough to the city and ship routs to snatch a few kids of the streets and send them of to their personal hell. It was well guarded but nothing they could not handle as a team.

“Is everyone in position?” Red Robin asked over the com link from his place on a roof top facing the east side of the building. A chorus of yes answered him as everyone were more then ready to begin the mission that had take up most of their time for the last tree weeks.

“Nightwing and Hood, go in first and engage the armed guards, while Robin and I search for the prisoners”

“Copy that, Red no.2”

“Let’s just get this over with”

“Roger that!”

 

They set the plan in motion. It was simple, get in and get out with the children. In the basement of the wear house, Tim and Damien found dozens of dirty, hungry and scared kids, some no more then five years old. After the masked vigilantes had dealt with the few guards stationed there, they quickly got them out of the cages they were held in and out of the building. They had been in contact with some civilians, civilian clothed cops really, that had realised something was wrong when the reports of missing children had stated to come in, when an upper class kid had been taken. The cops also realised that they could do next to nothing by themselves and had actually been the ones to tip the Red Hood off about the events. The off duty cops were waiting on the other side of the street to take care of the children as the vigilantes took care of the criminals.   

 

On an other floor Dick and Jason were struggling to subdue a higher number of armed men then they had actually planed for. But it was nothing they couldn’t handle. Well that was until one of the lowlifes thought he was special and took out some kind of modified cattle prod, that gave off some pretty impressive sparks every time it came in contact with another material. Material such as the Red Hood’s back.

 

Jason was having a great time; he was beating scumbags into bloody plumps in the name of justice. Not in rage or revenge or in pain.

No killing, but he found that he was strangely okay with that as long as he could do it together with his brothers. After all the tings he had done, all the lives he had ended, they still trusted him to have their backs in a battle. He still had his doubts about the demon child, but he too was coming around.

 

He saw the gun across the room before he registered what was happening. Nightwing was too occupied with trying not to get stabbed by the men surrounding him to notice the gun aimed at his head. Jason shouted to Dick to get his attention and turned to throw a knife at the man with the gun. The knife hit the man in the arm and the shoot missed its target, narrowly missing Dick’s throat, hitting the wall behind. But as Jason threw the knife, he turned his back to his own opponents. He saw the alarm in Dick’s eyes before he felt the pain. The oversized cattle prod hit his back, sending a massive amount of electricity through his body. The pain reached excruciating levels before he hit the floor. Convulsing and rapidly loosing his grasp on reality Jason saw a blur of blue, and then red, and green and yellow coming towards him before he blacked out.

 

Dick more saw Jason shout at him then heard him as the shot meant for his head hit the wall over his shoulder. And time seemed to slow down as he watched Jay get tased and brought down _hard_. He flinched when Jason’s head connected with the concrete floor. Luckily he did not need to call for backup as his little brothers were already bursting through the back door. Dick and Tim took care of the rest of the criminals still standing as Damien rushed to Jason’s side, after nearly throwing the cattle prod wielding smuggler through a window.

 

When Jason came to his head was in Dick’s lap, Tim was walking back and forth while calling the GCPD, and Damien was staring him intently in the face.

“Okay, lets mark that down as something I don’t want to do ever again” his head felt like it had been slammed into more than just concrete.   

“You okay there little wing?”

Jason pushed himself up right, checking if anything felt worse than his head and when he didn’t find anything he got to his feet.

“Except for the date my head just had with the floor and the lasting memory of actually being hit with a oversized cattle prod” he shrugged, “I feel fine”.

“we should check on you when we get to the cave, there can be some left over effects” Dick mused as Tim got of the phone and Damien kept staring at Jason, or was he observing him? The former robin could never really tell.

  

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They walked back into the manor laughing and joking, the mission had had a happy ending. The kidnapped children were saved and safely returned to their families, and the Bats were all in one piece. Despite Jason insisting that he was fine and he had hit his head enough times in his life to know if he had a concussion or not, and in this case he had not thank you very much. Tim had checked on him and cleared him anyway.    

The job was done and it was time for a break in the crime fighting to enjoy some free time, something all of them had earned and surly needed.

Tim had been doing too much research and too little sleep. Dick and Damien had covered all of Tim’s patrols as well as Batman’s while Bruce was away on business in Asia, followed by Cassandra. The Red Hood had actually covered for batgirl as Steph had finals and had taken a some what reluctant pause from the vigilantly life to focus on her academic career. They were good, the family was hanging together. It was dysfunctional and emotions was either repressed or taken to extremes, yes, but they were okay and more times then not they were actually acting as a family.     

The brothers were looking forward to spending a couple of hours in front of some cheesy movie and a long nights sleep as they walked towards the kitchen to get some of Alfred’s snacks. But fate had other plans for them tonight.

 

Tim and Jason were debating what kind of effect the presence or absence a certain movie genre could have had on Damien’s personality. Including phrases like “I sincerely doubt Talia would stand behind access to Disney Channel as a Childhood insecurity, although I could be wrong”. Damien only shrugged and let them theorize, as Dick had given up keeping a straight face since he got out of his uniform and mask. All his brothers where getting along, laughing and enjoying each others’ company. This moment was so far away from how it used to be. The trust they felt now had not come cheap, there had been so much pain, anger, and _fear,_ for so long.

One moment Jason was laughing at tim’s crappy taste in children’s cartoons, and the next he collapsed, falling to the floor. Time seemed to slow for the second time that night as the other brothers realised what was happening. Jason was still on the floor, too still, and he was not getting up.


	2. He was not getting up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim was the first to move. In an instant he was with Jason, hand on the former Robin’s neck checking for a pulse, without finding one.

One moment Jason was laughing at Tim’s crappy taste in children’s cartoons, and the next he collapsed, falling to the floor. Time seemed to slow for the second time that night as the other brothers realised what was happening. Jason was still on the floor, too still, and he was not getting up.

 

Tim was the first to move. In an instant he was with Jason, hand on the former Robin’s neck checking for a pulse, without finding one.

Tim wiped his head around looing at his still standing brothers as the situation became clear to him “there’s no heart beat!”

“What do you mean” Damien stood frozen in the middle of the corridor, his home, how could this be happening in _their home?_

“His heart is not beating! It stooped, he is. He is dea...”

“NO” all at once dick was a blur of motion starting towards his brothers on the floor.

“No! Dick I need you to go to the cave and get the defibrillator” as Dick felt himself succumb to panic, Tim took charge. “I will start CPR, you get to the cave right now!”.

Dick was in the end of the corridor in seconds.

 

Tim tried not to think about how he had a hard time breathing, and directed all his focus on the boy in front of him. Tilting Jason’s head up blowing air into his lungs, somewhere in the back of his mind Tim can feel himself trembling, and as he starts to do the chest compressions he has to force himself not to think of the body beneath his hands as his brother. Ignoring the still frozen boy behind him.

 

Damien can’t make himself move. This is wrong, this cannot happen, not here, not in the manor. Their home is supposed to be a safe place, _the_ safe place. Now Todd is on the ground, too still, too pale, and Drake is pushing himself to his limits trying to manually maintain Todd’s brain functions until Grayson returns with the defibrillator. But that is not a guarantee that Todd will wake up. Will ever wake up.

 

Robin is too transfixed with the scene in front of him that he doesn’t hear Alfred come out of the kitchen. For a second, the sound of Tim’s too fast and Shallow breaths is drowned out by the sound of a tray full of midnight snacks scattering to the floor. But Alfred never falter for more then a second, maybe two because of the sheer cataclysmic implications of the scene. Again it was happening again.

“Should I call for an ambulance, master Timothy?” Tim can’t hear him as his eyes start to blur and his strength leave him as Jason remain motionless.

 

“Three’s no time, Alfred!” Dick breaks the status quo of dread in the corridor when he remerges from the cave carrying the defibrillator. He replaced his panic with cold determination. As he stumbled into the silence present in the cave the reality of the situation hit him like a wall of bricks, if he couldn’t pull himself together Jason would most likely die in that corridor.

This is not how Jason dies, not now. Not in many years, not if Dick Grayson has anything to say about it.

 

Damien finally moves when he sees Dick coming towards them.

“Drake, Grayson is back you can stop now!” but Tim is not aware of anything other then his task of manually supplying air and blood circulation to his brother. Damien shakes him and has to drag Tim away so Dick can reach Jason.

 

Dick get down on the floor and rips Jason’s shirt open, he is distantly grateful for the thin t-shirt fabric as it would have made the situation far more difficult if Jason had been wearing his usual Red Hood getup reinforced with body armour.

 

The defibrillator charge and Dick shocks Jason with it. The electricity surges through Jason’s chest for the second time that night, making him convulse slightly on the worn carpet covering the stone floor underneath.

His heart remains still.

Nothing happens the second time.

After the third shock Dick’s hands begin to shake.

And then after the fourth electric charge entering Jason’s heart, it starts again.

 

During the next few seconds several things happen.

Before Dick’s brain can comprehend that Jason is breathing again and his brother is alive, a boot connects to his chest and Dick is unceremoniously kicked off of Jason and into the wall behind him.

 

His brothers watch in horror as Jason’s breathing becomes fast and hard, and he is franticly crawling, pushing and dragging himself as far away from them as he can in the limited space that make up the corridor. His eyes are wide, unfocused, and _feral_. 

 

Damien takes a step forward but freezes as Jason jerks away and pushes himself as hard as he can into the corner between and an old dresser and the wall. Knees pressed up against his chest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first multi-chapter fic and I'm still not sure how many chapters it will be. However, i intend to finish it one way or another!


	3. He is so cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the shape touches him he can’t make out if it’s a hand or a crowbar. Jason reacts on instinct, he has to get away, away, away. He is so cold.

Damien takes a step forward but freezes as Jason jerks away and pushes himself as hard as he can into the corner between and an old dresser and the wall. Knees pressed up against his chest. Damien is once again struck motionless by the events unfolding in front of him. Todd is clearly not aware of his surrounding or who they are.

 

Somewhere in his exhausted and relatively shell shocked mind, Tim comes to the conclusion that Jason is having a severe panic attack. Considering his brother just _died_ , if only just for a couple of minutes, and also considering Jason’s past experiences of being _dead_. Tim curses himself for not realising something like this could happen. He doesn’t know how much Jason really remembers being dead or coming back from the dead, waking up in his own coffin. But based on Jason’s current reaction some part of his mind must at least remember the event.        

 

Dick can feel a bruise form on his chest from where Jason kicked him as he pushes himself away from the wall he collided with. He slowly, slowly stats to inch closer to his oldest little brother’s trembling form.

 

“Jason, little Wing? Can you hear me?” the only responds Dick gets is another full, body jerk as Jason pushes himself harder into the wall.

“It’s me, Dick, your brothers and Alfred are here, you’re in the manor Jason” Dick keeps to slowly get closer to Jason’s corner.

“You’re okay, you’re safe Jason” he can almost touch his brother now.

“We want to help you, but I need you to calm down, little  brother”.

The moment Dick’s hand makes contact with a shoulder, Jason starts to scream.

 

“No! NO, NO, don’t!” Jason lashes out like a wounded animal stuck in a dead end. He is punching, pushing and clawing at Dick, the dresser, and the expensive wall paper covering the walls of the corridor are left with bloody scratch marks as Jason’s nails break and bleed with sheer ferocity of his efforts to get away. Away from the figure holding him, away from the pictures invading his mind, away from the _pain_.

There is just too much pain, past and present. Not enough air, it feels like his chest is going to explode.

 

One moment his is happy, safe, and loved, in the next he is so so cold and he _remembers._

 

It was Talia who told him about how he had woken up and crawled out of his own grave, broken and unavenged. When he is awake he doesn’t remember coming back to life, most of the time he doesn’t even remember waking up in the Lazarus Pit, his mind won’t let him. Not anymore. Because if he did he would never be able to be even close to sane. However, there are times, moments, days, when the whispers in the back of his mind left from the pit becomes raging screams. Or when he wakes up not being able to breath, failing to comprehend the fact that he is _alive_.

 

The memory of manic laughter and a clock counting down sometimes wake him up cold and shivering. Because in those moments when the agonising pain that came at the count of zero fade into that specific cold silent _finality_ that he can only associate with death, he wishes for nothing more than to bring back the pain. He’d rather relive the pain of being torn apart, than ever again feel the cold that engulfed him as smoke poured into his lungs and Batman failed to get to the wear house in time.

 

It’s that cold that has his mind reeling on the edge of insanity now. His chest hurts, he is not getting enough air, there’s shapes in front of him but he can’t see, understand, focus on, them. A shape is getting closer and closer. It is talking to him. Or is it laughing at him?

 

When the shape touches him he can’t make out if it’s a hand or a crowbar. Jason reacts on instinct, he has to get away, away, away. _He is so cold_.

 

Dick pushes back his panic and the paralysing fear he feels taking hold of him as Jason screams and struggle in his hold, like his little brother is fighting for his life. Dick gets his arms around Jason and holds him down. Now more for the purpose of keeping Jason from further hurting himself than trying to calm him down.

 

Alfred, pale as a ghost, and has not moved from his place a few paces back from the brothers, since he dropped the tray of midnight snacks. The tea is soaking the carpet, creating permanent stains.

 

“Should we, should we sedate him?” it has been a long time since Tim heard the current Robin so uncertain. But Tim supposes that Damien has never seen Jason or any of them like this before, at least not this bad. Sure there have been situations involving fear toxin, but this is _different._  

“No” comes the muffled but grim reply from Dick, “I just have to make him calm down, or we just have to wait it out, he will exhaust himself soon enough”. Dick has managed to get a secure enough grip on the still panicking Jason.

 

Jason’s arms are locked and his head is pressed against Dick’s chest. The former robin’s scrams have been replaced with whimpers muffled by Dick’s shirt. Every time his little brother begs for whomever he thinks is hurting him to stop, or let him go, or just gives off these sounds of such primal fear, Dick’s heart breaks for him. This whole situation is so wrong, going into cardiac arrest should not have warrant such a reaction. Unless Jason actually remembers his death, they all have nightmares but Dick can’t even imagine the kind of dreams Jason must have.

 

Dick and Jason never talk about their traumas with each other. Dick has had several heat to heart with his other brothers, and he had even had nights when one of them would come to him and snuggle in under his comforter after an especially bad night. But never Jason, and Dick tried not to think about his first little brother waking up alone in his crappy safe house scared, panicking and trying to get his breathing back to normal.

 

Dick knew and accepted his fear of death, but he could not even begin to try to understand Jason’s fear as Jason had already died once.          

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all honesty, I should probably get back to read academic articles for my university class, but this is so much more fun!  
> Thank you for the comments and kubos!


	4. Back to the living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end it was Alfred that brought Jason fully back to the living.

In the end it was Alfred that brought Jason fully back to the living. The butler had always been epitome of safety, sanity, and calm, in all of their lives. Alfred represented the neutral ground between the Bats’ fight for justice, the vigilante life and the life of the family. No matter how much rage, hate, and hurt Jason had directed towards Batman, he had never wanted to cut Alfred from his life.

 

So when his brothers failed to reach him in his panicking and traumatized mind, Alfred reminds Jason of the way back.

 

“Master Jason, you need to calm down” Alfred tried to keep his voice calm, but even he could hear the deep, deep concern he was feeling towards the boy.

“You are safe here, you are alive” the butler took a step closer to where Dick was holding Jason on the ground. Jason had started to exhaust himself and was now mealy staring blankly into the middle distance, breathing fast and shallow.

“Jason look at me”

 

Tim, still sitting helplessly on the floor, could see the exact moment Jason snapped back to reality. The butler words had stirred something within him, and Jason’s eyes found Alfred’s in the lamp lit corridor. As their eyes locked, Jason took a deep breath and relaxed in Dick’s arms, slumping against his chest. Dick seemed to relax as well as he did not react when Jason broke lose from his grasp.

 

Jason’s breathing quickened again as he broke eye contact with the butler and surveyed the scene before him. Dick was behind his back, leaning against a dresser looking exhausted but relived. Tim, sitting on the floor in front of him, looing lost and concerned evident in his eyes. Damien, standing perfectly still in the middle of the corridor between Tim and Alfred, closely observing him, not doubt to see if Jason is going to freak out again. Because _shit_ he had completely freaked out  

 

When the memories hit him he has to fight to control his breathing, because he is sure he is going to start hyperventilating if he lose the little control he has regain over his body.

Because _shit_ , he fucking died. AGAIN.

 

His hands start to shake as he breaks lose from Dick and places himself with his back against the wall. Now covered in bloody scratches, he faintly remembers making. He is close enough for Dick to reach him if he feels the need to, but there’s now enough distance between them so they are not touching. And Jason don’t think he can handle any kind of touching at the moment.

 

He lets his head fall into his hands.

“shit, shit, _shit_ ” he makes it into a mantra in his head, or out laud, he does not really care. He completely lost control. He let them see him at his absolute weakest. _Shi_ t, even without the crippling show of weakness, he let his brothers watch as he fell into the pitch black abyss that is his most traumatizing memories. Never mind him, he let his _brothers_ relive it with him. _Shit shit shit_ why did this happen. It had been weeks since his last episode of not being able to supress the darkness within him, and not the white hot rage and oozing green insanity, but the black pit in his stomach making staying alive so god damn difficult. But then again, he had never before died a second time.  Not after the first, metal hitting flesh, blood hitting sand, laughter and cries blending together in the hot air. And no matter how many times he had thought it, it had never been a second time. Until now.   

 

“it’s okay, you’re okay now” Dick has found a mantra of his own, it’s okay he’s okay we’re okay it’s going to be okay.

 

It’s okay. The adrenalin has not entirely gone away and the air is still thick of fear and shock from what just happened. Dick can see that Tim is still in some kind of shock, but he is calming himself down no doubt with a similar mantra as Dick. He’s okay. Damien is still standing rim rod straight, hiding his emotions behind a blank expression, but Dick that knows Damien is still afraid. They’re okay. He did just watch one of his brothers die, being revived, and relive his darkest moments. We’re okay. And Jason, Jason is siting against the wall with is head in his hands, trembling from what Dick guess is an equal amount physical and psychological exhaustion. But he is alive and he is aware of that he is alive. _It’s going to be okay._

 

“What the fuck happened?” Jason is staring at them now, trying hard to keep his breathing even. And he can not decide if he wants to fall asleep on the floor, jump out of the window and get the fuck away, or punch someone hard in the face, preferably Dick if he dose not stop chanting “it’s okay” under his breath. Dick returns his stare with wide, blue puppy eyes. And Tim finally decides to join the conversation.

 

“I think; I think you may have suffered from delayed arrhythmia” Tim visibly relaxed as he take charge over the situation once again. Facts he could deal with, missions, cases, evidence.   

 

Jason shifted his tale eyes to Tim, who even if he felt a wave of relief upon seeing Jason’s very much alive eyes, he shifted under his glare.

 

“The electric shock from earlier most likely cause delayed arrhythmia, causing your heart to stop long after the actual electrocution”

 

“tt” Damien suddenly decided that it was time to go back to normal, or at least their version of normal, “well apparently you could have done a much better job when you examined Todd after we got back to the cave, Drake” he delivered, shooting a glare towards Red Robin.

“Yeah well I am not the only medically trained individual here, Damien” Tim scuffled returning Robin’s glare.

 

“And might I suggest you go see a psychologist or something similar, Todd” Damien returned to stare at the bats on the floor.

“Fuck you, bat brat” a smile is tugging at Jason’s lips now, “only if you join me”, the smile turns into a tired but genuine laugh as the current Robin rolled his eyes at him and crossed his arms. The smell of blood in sand, temporarily forgotten.  

 

All the tension still in the corridor dissipated with Jason’s laugh, the danger is gone and they can all feel how tired and relived they all are. They have gotten enough nightmare material for one night.   

 

“So, what happened to that movie night?” Dick gets to his feet, extending a hand to Jason “everyone still up for it?” Tim also get to his feet, laughing at Damien’s obviously over exaggerated eye roll, and walks over to help Dick getting Jason to his feet. Jason let his brothers help him up and throw his arms around their shoulders, and even manages to ruffle Damien’s hair as they walk past him. Whatever horrible things hunting him in his nightmares and memories, he will always be able to wake up. And his brothers willl always be there.    

 

“Might I suggest tea and scones to that?” Alfred could not help but smile as the brothers launch themselves into yet another debate over possible crappy B movies to watch.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, my first multi chapter fic! and I even managed to complete it :) 
> 
> I really appreciate the kubos and all the comments! thank you

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Kubos make me happy, comments are appreciated!


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